A friend told me I remind him of Doctor Doom. I’ll take that as a compliment. Back in high school, someone else told me that I seem like a real-life James Bond villain. If my raging contempt for lesser mortals and superior intellect makes some people perceive me as evil, who am I to dispute them? It will all work out for the best when I take over the world. Since I’m right about everything, why not let me make all the decisions? I’ll be a much more benevolent and competent dictator than Kim Jong-Il, I guarantee you. He was interested in only one thing: glorifying himself. I’m interested in seeking glory. There’s a difference.

I’ve been having trouble adjusting to life as a grad student, as some of you may know. However, something occurred to me not too long ago: I’m going to fucking rock out. During orientation, there was a panel discussion with recent graduates who assured all of us that we would be fine. Somehow, that didn’t sink in. That’s when I realized that “fine” is not good enough for me. I’m going to get enough sleep, have plenty of leisure time, and graduate near the top of my class. Any questions? Call me a megalomaniac if you must, but many of my classmates seem to have accepted that pulling all-nighters and eating granola bars for lunch is the only way to survive something this hectic. If that works for them, fine. But I want more than success. I want to succeed and have fun while doing it. I want to make it look easy. And when that’s done, I WANT TO CONQUER THE FUCKING WORLD! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(For added effect, read that last part while watching this clip.)

There is not enough time in the world to do everything that I want to do. I want to read every good book, see every good movie, visit every interesting spot on the map, have all sorts of memorable encounters with peoples of various backgrounds and lifestyles, and go home to my currently-nonexistent boyfriend at the end of the day. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to live any other way. When I was in the early days of my cinematic education, I made the mistake of thinking that I could see enough movies. I kept telling myself that if I just saw one more Satyajit Ray film or cult movie from the 80s, I would officially be able to say that I was educated about movies. I am educated. But it’s folly to think that the answer lies in seeing/watching/reading that one that you still haven’t gotten around to. I recently discovered that Columbia’s Media Center has about a hundred obscure/art house movies that I haven’t been able to get through Netflix, iTunes, or the public library. Immediately, I knew what the first two or three that I would see would be. But after that, I have no idea. There are so many stars in the sky. Who am I to say which one is the most beautiful?

I still remember what my yearbook quote was for my senior year of high school: “When you can’t run anymore, you crawl, and when you can’t do that, you find someone to carry you.” It’s from Firefly. Every year, someone uses that stupid Ferris Bueller quote about life moving so fast that if you don’t stop and look around, you might miss it. True, but trite. I don’t go for quotes about the meaning of life. On a basic level, it’s nothing more than a chemical reaction. If you’re religious or spiritual, you can believe that some part of us lives on after we die, but generally, I think that death is nothing more than the cessation of all activity. I believe in passing on what we know. I’m not sure what point life could possibly have if not to teach others and learn from them. Even if the world crumbles around us like in The Road, nothing will ever matter more than being a good person.

I’m still trying to figure out why this post has gotten such persistent traffic. It’s been over a month since I published it, and it’s still getting views. Do people honestly think I know the meaning of life? Or does one guy have it bookmarked and just keep reading it over and over like I do with this article? Most of what I write stops getting hits within the week, if it gets any hits at all. I guess people like hearing me riff on what I think makes for good comedy.

I have a lab due tomorrow. Like most of my assignments, it’s a group project, which means that by waiting to get around to it, I’m inconveniencing everyone. Or am I? Maybe they need to take a deep breath and get some perspective. The work will get done. In the meantime, I still haven’t watched last night’sDaily Show.

A friend suggested I stop writing exclusively for myself and ask the question as to who my intended audience is. Well, I think I’ve figured it out. The question is: are they ready for me?


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