Let’s Talk About Gun Control

My dreams are getting sarcastic. I’m not going to go into detail, but I’m pretty sure that my subconscious was actually mocking me a few nights ago. It reminded me of this one Calvin & Hobbes in which Calvin gets brain surgery from a robot that imbues him with the knowledge he needs to test out of school and spend the next twelve years goofing off. (I tried to find it online, but Google Image didn’t help.) The difference, of course, is that I’m not six years old. I’m ostensibly an adult, and I’ve spend the last few years desperately trying to get everyone to treat me like an adult. Even my brain thinks that’s funny.

There was a segment on The Daily Show a couple years ago about whether Fox News was stupid or just evil. I think the scales are tipping towards the latter. Spewing misinformation is one thing, but declaring a topic off-limits after a national tragedy just because it serves your agenda is simply wrong. I wonder how any of their reporters can sleep at night. If now isn’t the right time to talk about gun control, what is? (You’re probably wondering what my first paragraph has to do with any of this. Bear with me; I’m getting there.)

I’m getting really tired of meetings. As I write this, I’m in between two classes. Tomorrow, I have at least three meetings for various assignments and projects that I’m working on. I really wish I could take a day off, not of classes, but meetings. Now, back to gun control…

I’m not really sure what to make of the old trope, “Guns don’t kill people; people kill people.” Yeah, but…guns kinda make it easier, don’t they? Consider this: what’s a more effective murder weapon, an AK-47 or a banana? Sure, if you’re a total idiot, you could choke on a banana, but they’re so squishy that I have to imagine you’d swallow it eventually. An AK-47, by contrast, is much easier to choke on. Also, you could get a major head injury if someone drops it on you. Banana peels have the edge when it comes to cartoon slapstick, however. It’s much harder to slip on an assault weapon. I’m pretty sure even the NRA is running out of privileges to lobby for. At this point, you can carry a gun basically everywhere except on an airplane, and I think bananas might be forbidden there as well.

I’m not sure I understand why people are so defensive of their guns. I had friends in high school who were gun owners, and while I proudly support their right to own rifles and use them responsibly, I never could get a straight answer out of them as to why guns were so damn important to them. Sure, bearing arms is a constitutional right, but so is the right to avoid having troops quartered in your home, and I didn’t see Charlton Heston making any bold pronouncements about that. They didn’t care about wanton slaughter in Darfur, global warming, or class warfare, but God help you if you ever came after their guns. That’s not to say that they never thought about those issues, just that they weren’t as passionate about them. Is there anything wrong with that? Well, I guess not. I just don’t understand, that’s all.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but the issues that affect me directly are not necessarily the ones that I care about the most. There is one social justice issue in particular that has a very strong impact on my life, and while I’ve talked about it plenty, I try not to place it front and center on this blog. It has a way of swallowing up every other aspect of the conversation once it’s said aloud. I try to focus on the issues on which I can present some unique perspective or knowledge. There are sides of the global warming debate that no one has properly addressed yet, ideas that cut right to the heart of humanity’s relationship to the natural world, and I think I just might be able to bring them to people’s attention, given time. I’m not going to get up here and pontificate about how dearly our country needs to learn to treat everyone equally, because any clear-thinking person knows that already. There is much to be said that hasn’t been said yet on that issue, but I’ll leave that to the ones who don’t mind waving the rainbow flag. I did that for about ten minutes as a teenager. It got boring pretty quickly.

I’d like to continue, but unfortunately, I’m running out of time. One of my favorite musicians once sang, “Time isn’t holding us, time isn’t after us.” Maybe that’s true, but I have far too much homework to worry about whether or not anyone has actually been convinced by this article. The only request I have for anyone who is thinking about buying a gun is that they take a good, long look in the mirror and ask themselves if they’re responsible enough to use it without hurting innocents. It’s good advice under most circumstances, but especially helpful when using a device whose intended purpose is to kill people.

In case anyone is curious, I’ve never even held a gun. Whenever I want someone dead, I send my robot minions after them. Just sayin’.


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