Criticism and insecurity form something of a feedback loop. By responding to criticism, a person opens themself up for more. It’s something that I can’t help but notice with all of the time I spend on the internet. So many comment sections, message boards, and blogs consist of nothing more than people criticizing somebody they don’t like to the point where you honestly have to ask if they have anything better to do. (This is, of course, coming from a guy who blogs at least once a week about whatever is bugging him this week, but hey, if bitching and moaning on the internet provides you with some kind of catharsis, have at it. I’m just doubtful that, for some of the armchair critics out there, this is really the case.) To quote one of my favorite movies, “Not everyone can become a great artist. But a great artist can come from anywhere.” All I mean is that it’s fine to criticize. Just make sure you’re doing a little bit more than venting.
I’m trying to figure out why some people are so brazen in their douchebaggery. See, I don’t get comments on this blog very often (usually, I’m lucky just to get 30 hits in a day), but when I do, I definitely shitcan the ones I don’t like. So if you think I’m displaying sociopathic tendencies, stop typing and go do something else. If you don’t like my writing style because my paragraphs are too long for your hyperactive attention span, at least take the time to read what I wrote before posting a comment plugging your own blog. (Yes, some asshat actually did that.) I can be an asshole, but I try not to go too far out of my way to do it. I like to think that I do it for understandable reasons, even if what I do isn’t always right (and it usually is). See, I blog in order to temper my misanthropy, not exacerbate it. Don’t push me any closer to the edge.
I’m getting very tired of explaining myself. I don’t think that the best way to deal with one’s problems is to just wait for them to right themselves. It’s part of the reason that I detest that new agey self-help crap about attracting positive things to you by thinking positive thoughts. There is something to be said for keeping one’s chin up and maintaining an optimistic outlook no matter what, but I draw the line at telling people not to think negative thoughts at all. I know the feeling of losing something (or someone) that you care about. You feel like you’ve been punched in the gut, like the world just shifted under your feet and you want to just spin it the other way like Superman so that everything can go back to the way it was five minutes ago. It takes time to right oneself after that, to really accept that yes, that thing (or person) that you thought you could count on is really not so reliable. But you move on, if you’re strong enough. Inspirational rhetoric isn’t useless, it’s just best taken in moderation. Sometimes, shitty things happen. Sometimes, the bad guys win. Sometimes, life just sucks. Pretending that it doesn’t is what we call denial. It’s a passive way of dealing with something that can only be dealt with through action.
Do you want to lose weight? Start dieting and hop on a treadmill, you fat, bloated thing, you. Do you want a nice job? Start applying for them, dammit. And buy a nice suit for interviews. Trust me, it’s worth the investment. Then accept that at a certain point, this shit is out of your hands. That’s the hardest part, isn’t it? Accepting that the cute girl you’ve had a crush on for ages might turn you down even after you’ve worked up the courage to ask her is not easy, never has been, and never will be. The best you can hope for when that happens is that the next girl you ask will see that you’re a decent guy who doesn’t think of sex and intimacy as his divine right and say yes. Or not. I know, it’s rough. Don’t stop masturbating, is what I’m trying to say.
It drives me nuts that so many of the bad things that happen to me happen because I didn’t say “no” hard enough. An evangelical Christian came up to me not too long ago and when I told him that I was not interested in what he was preaching, simply stared at me and repeated his last question. When I told him that I had shopping to do, he said, “What’s more important: shopping, or your soul?” At that moment, the most important thing was getting away from him! He even asked me for my phone number, and when I declined, he gave me his. I’d be flattered if the hot tattooed guy from the “Call Me Maybe” video did that, but this dude, not so much.
I used to check my email and Facebook page only once per day. I’d like to get back down to that level of frequency someday, but for now, I just can’t, and believe me, I’m trying. My anxieties are still too intense, my workload still a bit too heavy for me to handle it the way people who don’t spend all of their time anchored to their computers seem to. Once or twice, I’ve gone to the gym, then had to leave in a hurry just to get to a computer and check my email because I was so worked up over…something. This needs to end. Until then, I really, really love watching Archer.