I watch and read a lot of horror, but I’m not exactly a horror person. Mainly, I just don’t see the point of a movie that consists entirely of people dying in grisly ways. I respected the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre but didn’t much enjoy it, although I thought the original Evil Dead was entertaining, in a slightly self-aware and cheesy kind of way. Generally, I prefer my horror to be campy and Gothic (like the old Universal and Hammer films), atmospheric (like Don’t Look Now or the original Wicker Man), or horror-comedies (like Evil Dead 2). I read Stephen King, H.P. Lovecraft, and occasionally Edgar Allen Poe. I’ve never seen a Rob Zombie movie, but might someday. Earlier this week, I watched the Vincent Price/Roger Corman version of The Masque of the Red Death and thought it was pretty good. But seriously, fuck torture porn. If there ever were a genre that serves no discernible purpose, it’s that one.
I believe it was Michelangelo who said that he sculpted by cutting away every part of the block that is not the sculpture. If you want to get poetic, you could say that people grow by figuring out what works for them and what doesn’t. I am not a fan of big parties. If the event has over 20 people, loud music and dancing, the odds that I will show are slim, but not nonexistent. I’ll come if it’s a party for somebody I care about who is achieving a noteworthy milestone, even if that’s as simple as a birthday. But I fucking hate it when people try to get me to dance or get shitfaced just because they’re convinced I just need to lighten up and live a little. When they do that, I feel the overwhelming urge to stop showing up. Which I can’t do, as I still spend too many nights alone. Also, the traffic on this blog has slowed to a trickle in the past few weeks. I don’t know, maybe that’s beyond my control. But I wish I could figure out why it’s at the lowest point that it’s been since August. I don’t need a million hits a day, but I would like to know why so few people are dropping by the site just to see what’s up. As far as I can tell, the content is the best it’s ever been, and that’s what really matters, right?
I just decided not to go to a party. I haven’t been to one in a while, but then again, I’m not a big fan of them. Somehow, that decision was scarier than any party I’ve ever been to. There is a fine line between introversion and self-absorption. I read this list of signs that you might be an introvert and thought that some of the behaviors described bordered on rudeness. I guess that if you’re shy and hate talking to people, it’s understandable that you might be scared to answer a ringing telephone, but if somebody is calling you, it’s because they want to talk to you, not your voicemail, so if that person is someone you care about, you should really PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE. It probably sounds hypocritical for someone who has just said that he hates being dragged onto the dance floor to say this, but when I read that this woman has been known to dance, but “in my own time and when I’m in the mood”, I picture her shaking her little booty on the dance floor long after everyone else has gone home with the host cleaning up in the background. It’s a party, not a fucking Pride Parade, honey. You’re not making some political statement by refusing to dance. Why go to a dance party if you’re not in the mood to dance, anyway? Sometimes you really do need to just try something out first and then see if you can get into it. If you’re in the mood for a party, but not in the mood to dance, I have some questions for you, and again, that’s coming from a guy who is rarely in the mood for the former and never in the mood for the latter.
I’m feeling the return of one of my old moods: the state of (figuratively) waiting by the phone to see if anyone calls. No one ever does, of course, but that’s the life I live. I don’t believe that more people will notice me if I go to fewer parties, only that anyone whose attention I can catch just by going to a goddamn party isn’t someone I have much interest in talking to. Yeah, I’m kind of antisocial. Deal with it. See, what drives me nuts about the loneliness isn’t just that it’s there, but that it could take a very, very long time to change.
It’s a very dangerous truth that people ultimately do choose their beliefs. When an atheist says that they tried to believe in God, but couldn’t, what I hear is that they realized that convincing themselves that the Bible is the word of God is possible, but just not worth the effort. I’m not going to believe something just in case it’s true, because that is not a firm basis for belief. Too much of my time is spent trying to believe that yes, there really is enough time in the world for me to do everything I need to do. If you want to start a family, be sure to make time for ball-scratching, snacking, and sitting on the couch in your underwear watching reality TV. (I’m not into that. I’m just saying.) Because ultimately, that makes you more interesting. And there are few sins greater than being boring.