In One Person

Fuck all of you up your stupid fucking asses. I hope you die slowly and painfully while your mother watches and you go to hell and Satan shits down your neck for all eternity. Yeah, I said it.

Fuck all of you up your stupid fucking asses. I hope you die slowly and painfully while your mother watches and you go to hell and Satan shits down your neck for all eternity. Yeah, I said it.

Well, I’m in a bad mood as I write this. I didn’t get the job I wanted, you see. That’s not so horrible; what sucks is that they didn’t even offer me an interview. I’m pretty sure I’m good enough for an interview. I know I’m qualified for this job. I want it and am passionate about the kind of work that the Department of Parks & Recreation does. Most importantly, it would make perfect sense for a guy at this point in his life. And they didn’t even offer me an interview. I sent them an email letting them know it was their loss, which I didn’t expect to take the sting away, and it hasn’t. I spent an entire evening on my application back in mid-April. I crafted my answers like they were college admissions essays. I even got my advisor to write me a letter of recommendation. So why the fuck didn’t they offer me an interview? Because they’re assholes, that’s why. I’m sure they got plenty of applications, but I doubt they were all from people as talented, driven, and conscientious as I am. So if you don’t want to see me wallow in self-pity and bloviate about my own greatness, navigate away. I am a fucking genius. The world needs to recognize that.

I’ve always been wary of online dating, but now I’m thinking I should give it a try. Generally, I prefer to meet people in the real world, but fuck that. Most of my friends seem to have met their significant others through the time-honored methods of living their lives. But that hasn’t worked for me. I’m active and engaged, or at least, I try to be. Throughout high school and college, I not only went to classes and parties, but was involved in lots of extracurricular activities. The result was that I watched others fall in love, move in together and even get married while I stood on the sidelines wondering when my time was going to come. I think my time needs to fucking come already. I’m in my mid-twenties and have never even had a proper date. I’ve waited long enough.

The funny thing about being single is that after a while, you start to get more picky, not less. “Boy, when I finally meet someone, they had better be really awesome, to make up for all of this time spent masturbating!” you say to yourself. Yeah, I know: There is no settling down without settling for, blah blah blah. And when you think about it, being a bastion of support for somebody–emotionally, sexually, and domestically–is a hell of a burden to place on even someone as amazing as I am. But I think I can handle it. I’ve accepted that I will never get to marry Eddie Redmayne, but whoever my future boyfriend is, he had better be pretty fucking tough. I don’t have the patience for anything less.

I know wanting something badly is not enough to make it yours. But I think I wanted that job for the right reasons. The Parks & Rec people didn’t want me back, I suppose, and I’m not sure I’ll ever know why.

It’s getting harder and harder in this day and age for people to feel that they actually own their media. I downloaded an audiobook off of Audible not too long ago and was outraged to discover not only that I could not play it on my mp3 player, but that DRM prevented me from converting it into a format that was compatible with my device. Admittedly, that is partially my fault for not bothering to learn more about the product I was purchasing, but unless I’m mistaken, isn’t mp3 pretty much the standard format for audio files? Wouldn’t it at least have made sense to make the file convertible, if not offer it in the standard format to begin with? On a somewhat related note, I learn that sharing HBO Go passwords is, apparently, a punishable offense. That, to put it mildly, is fucking idiotic. HBO has refused to allow its programming to be streamed on Netflix, Hulu, or any website besides its own. The only legal way to watch HBO is to pay for a subscription to the network or to get the DVDs. I’m sure that has nothing to do with why Game of Thrones is by far the most pirated show on TV. Seriously, if the network were trying to make file-sharers out of all of us, I don’t know what they would be doing differently. It’s one thing to make copies of a book and hand them out on a street corner. It’s quite another to simply lend your friend a book you enjoyed. The former is pirating, the latter…you get the idea. And don’t even get me started on the Xbox One.

I have one more thing to say before I go. The sci-fi/fantasy crowd has always been full of misogynists, and while I have always striven to be both a good feminist and a good nerd, I do think it is possible for feminist nerds to be a little bit too critical sometimes. I saw somebody in a comments section accuse Isaac Asimov of writing lousy female characters and was baffled. Asimov’s female characters could be two-dimensional, but so could his male characters. With a few exceptions, he generally gave every character a handful of identifiable traits and set them loose in a twisty narrative (he would have made a good mystery writer) that explored ideas of technology and human advancement. On that front, he is at least better than Tolkien, who either didn’t know how to write women or just didn’t feel like trying. Today, of course, we have George R.R. Martin, whose love for badass women is second only to Joss Whedon’s.

I love you, Daenerys, but you terrify me more than any ass-kicking sci-fi/fantasy chick since Zoe from Firefly.

I love you, Daenerys, but you terrify me more than any ass-kicking sci-fi/fantasy chick since Zoe from Firefly.

Try not to worry about me, people. I’m surviving, for the moment.

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