Shade

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“A Day at the Library: An Intellectual Adventure would be to spend the day at the ancient library of Alexandria and exchange ideas with the venerable scholars. We would confer the cosmos as I rummaged through early scrolls of knowledge. Before departing, I would instruct them on how to construct a fire extinguisher.” –Madeline K., Grade 6, Indiana

I’m in a really good mood as I write this. I’m kidding, of course. Who blogs when they’re in a good mood?

See, I’ve been living without a working computer for two-and-a-half weeks now. My mp3 player has a web browser on it (it’s a bit like a smartphone without the phone part), so I can watch YouTube videos and shit when I get bored, but if I want to do anything more involved, I have to go to the library. If you read this blog regularly, you know this already. You also know that I’ve been thinking of getting a new computer since I can’t get the current one to start working. Well, I contacted the I.T. people and asked if they could help me. They said I should come in this Friday morning to talk about installing the new operating system. I work Fridays, so I asked my boss if I could take time off of my job to do that, and she said yes. Then I went down to I.T. and found that they were closed. So now I have to go back in on Monday. At this point, I’m thinking of buying a new computer anyway out of spite. In fact, I’ve already got one picked out.

What’s really been driving me up the wall about this whole ordeal (too strong of a word? Eh, who cares?) is that I have a life to live. I have a job interview next week and am planning to look at a few apartments in Brooklyn this weekend. This whole computer thing reminds me of my housing problems last year and the year before, in which I wanted nothing more than a reasonably priced abode in a convenient location with roommates/housemates who weren’t total shitbags. That took a really long time to find. A really, really, really long time to find. A really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really…look, the point is that getting a degree from an Ivy League school is stressful enough when you don’t have to worry that you’ll be sleeping on a park bench that night, okay?

See, I kind of think that I’ve put enough time and money into this thing already. The disc for the new operating system cost almost $100. And I’ve spent hours trying to get the computer to work again, but since it can’t even start up properly, I can’t install the new operating system. But the I.T. people assure me I don’t need a new computer. If I did, I could fucking order one. And I’m not in love with the current one anyway. So excuse me if I’m getting a little impatient. My mp3 player can’t stream Netflix.

I never learned how to change a flat tire. Of course, I don’t own a car, but knowledge might have come in handy when I drove my parents’ car in high school. It never did, I’m just tired of not knowing how the technology I depend on works. It’s not like I haven’t tried to figure it out, but bringing a sick computer in to I.T. is like going to the doctor, and who likes that?

I’m not on Twitter, by the way. Or Instagram. Or Vine. And I don’t have a YouTube channel. Because I don’t really care about any of that. See, I can commit to only a handful of things at a time. I don’t have that many friends, have never been to a music festival or smoked weed, and in general, don’t do a lot of the things that people my age are supposed to do. Why? Because I believe in finishing what you start, and there’s nothing I hate more than somebody saying, “I’ll call you and we’ll hang out” when they clearly have no intention of ever hanging out with you. You can stand in the sun or you can stand in the shade, but while the shade might be comforting, it will last only as long as the sun holds still. A writer at one of my favorite sites said that misery is comforting, but happiness takes work. He’s wrong about some things, but he was right about that. I’m in my mid-twenties, for fuck’s sake. Do I look like a guy with all the time in the world?

I have no use for people who say that you’ll hate yourself less if you get off your ass and do something. I think it’s the other way around. They might mean well, but the people who say that aren’t saying what they seem to think they’re saying. I was hoping that by the end of today, I might at least have a clearer idea as to what the fuck was going on with my computer, but as always, I have to keep waiting. Just don’t expect me to hold still. I have way too much shit to do.

This is quite moving.

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