Another Fucking Disney Movie

There is a YouTuber who drives me insane. His name is GayGod, and he reminds me, of all people, of Justin Bieber. Let me explain: In basically every cultural medium, there is a genre or subgenre that is targeted at [insert minority group here]. LGBTs are no exception. I used to spend relatively little time on YouTube, but I find myself spending more and more time on it these days. A lot of it just goes down so easy. It’s the sort of thing you watch when you need to unwind, but can’t work up the energy to get invested in a TV show. So it’s not surprising that there are dozens/hundreds/thousands of channels on YouTube on which people talk primarily about gay [whatever]. A few of them are good. In fact, here is my favorite. He has an easygoing sense of humor and even though he is totally upfront about his sexuality, he doesn’t expect it to make him interesting all by itself.

Mmmm....

Mmmm…

The same cannot be said about GayGod. In fact, there was a video posted by an angry British guy in which he tore GayGod a new asshole that has since been taken down. I’m not sure why. It was amazing. But to give you an idea of what I’m so angry about, watch this video. Better yet, don’t. Just listen to me describe it. Popular YouTuber Davey Wavey (whose channel is basically gay candy, in that it has little substance, but is so sugary and flamboyant as to be kind of addictive) asked a bunch of other gay YouTubers to talk to straight girls about how they should treat their gay friends. It’s cute. Kinda. I agree with some of it, but ultimately, I don’t really give a shit. I have both male and female friends, and have never wanted or had a “hag”, let alone felt the need to watch Mean Girls with one of them while eating Ben & Jerry’s and making catty comments. (I liked the movie, but I saw it only once. Tina Fey is awesome. Moving on…) GayGod, you may notice, is the most ostentatiously gay of all the people in the video, not only wearing a rainbow shirt, but dying his sideburns rainbow colors. Maybe this seems like a strong reaction, but it actually kind of makes me nauseous. Gay Pride matters. I haven’t been to the parade in years (and even then, only once), but I do think it’s a valuable reminder of how far we’ve come from Harvey Milk to AIDS to the recent SCOTUS rulings. It would be one thing to just put that on a shirt, but why does he have to dye his hair? That’s chintzy, tacky, and actually, kind of ugly. Geez, you’d think a gay guy would have a better sense of style.

The tricky thing about sexuality and gender identity is that they’re facts. They can take a while to figure out and own up to, but with very few exceptions, once you figure it out, there isn’t much to do except accept it and move on. You just live your life and try to be you, being conscious of the fact that people are going to look at you a little differently while acknowledging that you can’t be exactly like your straight/cis-gendered friends, no matter how non-stereotypical you are. It has to be a part of you without defining you. Nothing drives me up the wall faster than gay Republicans claiming that “being gay is only a small part of who I am”, or that “I’m more concerned with whether everyone has a job than whether everyone can get married.” Really, douchebag? If you’re facing discrimination thanks to that small part, then it’s not a small part at all. And if you seriously think that a steady job is likelier to help you through the rough patches in your life than a stable marriage, you’ll be lucky if you ever find either. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I hate gay Republicans even more than I hate most other Republicans, which is saying a lot.

But back to GayGod. GayGod (real name Matthew Lush) is defined entirely by his sexuality. If he weren’t gay, he’d probably pretend to be gay anyway just so he could prance around demanding attention and being a drama queen. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. It’s not supposed to be something that can be easily separated from who you are, but that doesn’t mean it should be the first, second, third, and last thing everybody knows about you. What does this have to do with Justin Bieber? Simple: He’s the lesbian equivalent of that. I tried, but I just can’t find him sexy. As with GayGod, there is something so empty and vapid about his existence that all of the pandering Never Say Never bullshit in the world can’t change. What, exactly, is inspirational about his story? Who said “it” could never happen? What is “it”, anyway? I don’t see how it’s a triumph over adversity that a cute white boy who writes generic pop songs and had the backing of major industry players could make it as a musician. I keep hearing that Justin Bieber is just like you and me, but that just means that he is like all of the insufferable prima donnas that I’ve known. I’d love to ignore him, but he’s inescapable.

By contrast, look at One Direction. I’ve mentioned them before on this blog, but basically, they’re just a bunch of pretty white boys (with one minority thrown in for good measure) who sing bland pop songs. Nothing to get too angry about. Occasionally, I’ll hear one of their songs when I’m in the supermarket or whatever. I shrug and go on with my day. Their music is not targeted at me, so I simply ignore it. Maybe one of them will stick around after the others’ fifteen minutes have faded and they are reduced to appearing on reality shows or acting in crappy movies. Maybe he’ll pull a Justin Timberlake and start a solo career that doesn’t suck or act in movies that don’t suck. Maybe. But either way, I have nothing against them. They’re probably nice guys.

I don’t know where the fuck I’m going with all this. I was going to talk about Planes, that shitty new Disney movie that is a knockoff of what was already Pixar’s worst film series. But I don’t have much to say that hasn’t already been said. That film stars Dane Cook. Cars starred Owen Wilson. As Dane Cook is to Owen Wilson, Planes is to Cars. I won’t be seeing it either way. I’m just getting tired of the way that Disney has to piggyback off of the success of everything hit movie they make, as with those braindead direct-to-video sequels of all of their 90s hits that suffered through a few of. I’ll just say that I have a lot to worry about right now: finances, jobs, roommate. So I’m trying not to let anything get to me.

Here’s a great video that circulated the internets not too long ago. Mumford and Sons has shown that you can water down folk and make it radio-friendly just like any other genre, so it’s fitting.

And since I didn’t mention queercore in the part about culture, let me give a shout-out to Pansy Division.

The reviews say it’s not as good as District 9, but I think I’ll see Elysium sometime soon.

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