Dream of Life

I hate having to explain myself. I got into an argument recently with a bunch of anonymous internet morons who took a dumb, harmless joke I made as an opportunity to grandstand. No, I’m not going to repeat the joke. You’ll just have to take my word for it that it was harmless. Suffice to say, I often find myself in arguments where every attempt to clarify myself just digs me deeper into a hole. And I could just flip people the bird and walk away, but I can’t do that until I have laid it all on the line. You can call me sexist if you like, but the one thing I can’t stand is people seizing upon the opportunity to twist my words for their own ends. I won’t stand for that. I won’t be a part of it. If you do that to me, I will find you and I will make you pay. Probably just by hurling nasty words at you. It is the internet, after all.

I’ve probably said this before, but there is a smug, condescending tone that I get from some feminists that I don’t get from anyone else. I have never heard a black person say, “You’re white, so you just don’t get racism” or a Jewish person say, “You’re a Gentile, so you just don’t get anti-Semitism”. But time and time again, I have been told that because I have a penis, I should shut my mouth during a conversation about sexism. Bull. Fucking. Shit. I may not know what it is like to have a vagina or to live in a society in which I am objectified day-in and day-out thanks to that vagina, but could you at least do me the courtesy of not assuming that I have never known the taste of real discrimination? I’ll put my own life experiences up against anything you can throw at me, and I have as much right to decide for myself what is sexist and what isn’t as anyone else. A woman is a woman is a woman, just as I am only one man. You do not speak for your gender. I will not be silenced.

I am growing tired of people putting their wedding proposals up on YouTube. Sometimes it’s sweet, but some part of it reeks of attention-whoring. I know that there are some folks out there who have to declare their love in the most dramatic and public fashion imaginable. That’s fine. Others are just people who like to record and put virtually every aspect of their lives up on YouTube. That’s fine, too. But when/if I ever propose to someone, you can guarantee that I won’t bother filming it. It just doesn’t seem necessary. Yeah, I know I’m a crank. So what?

There are a lot of challenges to working in a coffee shop, but basically, it just boils down to the stress of being out on the floor. It reminds me of that summer I spent as a cashier (or “front-end associate”, or whatever bullshit term they used to cover up the fact that I was a dude who took people’s money and bagged stuff) where I had to spend long hours standing in one place with fluorescent lights bearing down on me being polite to an unending string of impatient customers. This job isn’t that bad, although I wish I got more than one ten-minute break every five hours and 45 minutes. (My boss, amusingly, is completely upfront about the fact that he schedules people for that long because he knows that if he gives them any longer, he’ll have to give them a lunch break. You have to respect that.) I hope my employer won’t mind me blogging about them like this. It really isn’t a bad job, but for an obsessive (some would say antisocial) introvert, it’s tiring. Picture having no choice but to get people whatever they want for hours on end. Like I said, it wears you down.  I’d like to work more hours, but I’m not sure if I can handle it. I guess I’ll have to work up to it.

Have I made it clear that I like this woman?

Have I made it clear that I like this woman?

The Daily Show is off this week. I mention this because I’ve taken to watching Rachel Maddow instead. She’s great. I like her. I especially enjoyed her breakdown of the government shutdown resolution, in which she explains that the Republicans couldn’t decide what they wanted to get out of the showdown, and so got absolutely nothing. There is a part of me that can’t help but gloat over something like this. It’s such a blindingly childish and immature thing to do, holding the whole country hostage just because you couldn’t get your way, and what’s distressing is that 144 Republicans voted against the bill that ended the shutdown. But ultimately, that doesn’t matter. The Republicans lost, not that there was anything much to be won here. Mainly, I’m just tired of people acting like this was a real debate, one with two equally valid points of view. This bears repeating: I’m no fan of conservatism, but these days, it’s moderates that I really hate. Conservatives believe in something. It’s not what I believe, but at least they have the courage of their convictions. Moderates (at least the ones that I encounter) believe that no matter what the issue, there must be two equally valid points of view. No, there doesn’t. This is so idiotic I barely even have the energy to refute it anymore. Some issues have only one valid point of view, others far more than two. Let’s acknowledge the complexity of reality rather than trying to boil everything down because we’re scared of change, okay?

I’ve been blogging more and more lately because I don’t know what to do with myself. I still don’t have much of a social life. Hell, even when I get a boyfriend, I’ll probably spend much of my time wondering where the hell he is and grumbling that he doesn’t have more time to spend around me. For now, I take solace in the fact that I’m not alone in my problems, much as things might appear otherwise. Keep reading, folks. There’s plenty more to come.


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