End

gravity

I posted the John Denver version of this song a few days ago, but since I like it so much, here’s the original songwriter performing it. It’s a very pretty song. My choir performed it way back in elementary school, and while I’m not a country person, I do like this version quite a lot.

I’m not the kind of person who locks themself out of their car, except when I just did that for the first time ever. I got very angry. My father was sick and had left me the car for the day, which was nice, as I was going to take a train to grab lunch at In-N-Out Burger, then catch a showing of Gravity. Now I had a car instead. Except I locked myself out. That has never happened. It enrages me when shit like this happens, because I’m generally very cautious. I’m the kind of person who will look over their shoulder when changing lanes, then look over it again as they’re turning the wheel in case a car magically appeared in their blind spot in the split second since the last time they looked. Somehow, I still manage to cut people off sometimes. By the same token, I tend to make absolutely sure that I have my keys before locking the door. Except today. It was the one time in recent memory that I haven’t checked to make sure I had my key before locking the door, so of course it turned out to be the one time that I didn’t have my key. Isn’t it great how things work out?

I lost my iPod a little over a year ago. I kept thinking it would turn up again because I had lost it in the building where I took all my classes and it seemed likely that whoever found it would turn it in. Except they never did. I bought a Sony Walkman, which costs more and holds less, but has superior sound quality. That just broke down, so I’m using an iPod that my dad had lying around and didn’t need. Isn’t it great how things work out?

I’m thinking that I should take my mp3 player down to the Sony store and ask them if they can repair it anyway. I like it, even though it’s bulkier than any iPod. Mp3 players, from the sounds of things, are a dying breed because everybody just uses smartphones. Have I made it clear that I don’t like smartphones? I had to catch a train home, borrow my dad’s key, then catch a train back, unlock my door, and go see the movie a few hours later than I’d intended. I had been meaning to use my transit card, as I had paid for more rides than I would need before the end of the month (when I’ll just get a monthly pass). When my father stayed home sick, it threw me for a loop, since I would now be able to take the car when I had, for some strange reason, been looking forward to using the card. I ended up using it anyway. Isn’t it great how things work out?

I know I’m still young, but I’m not going to live forever. Dating is the one area of my life that remains fuzzy no matter how hard I try to clarify it. Over the past few years, I have gained a much clearer idea of who I am, what sorts of people I like to hang out with, what kind of job I want, where I want to live, and so on. But what sort of a person do I want to date/marry? I think I have an idea, but actually realizing that fantasy still feels far away. Honestly, am I going to be 30 before I find someone? Almost everyone I know has been in a relationship by this point in their lives. I like to think this means that by the time I get mine, it will be rock-solid and last for decades. But there’s no guarantee of that. The only comfort that I can draw is from comparing it to my living situation. I’ve had a long line of shitty roommates (and one or two who were actually decent), but none have stuck for whatever reason. So maybe that is, in a sense, practice for dating. I think. I hope.

I hate the term “straight-acting”. It’s nothing more than a term patently insecure gay men use to make themselves feel better about liking cock. “I mean, sure, I’m gay, but I’m not like all of those other gay guys who like musical theater. No, I like manly things like action movies and bear wrestling.” This needs to stop. There are plenty of gay men who like sports and shit. There are plenty of straight men who like musical theater. I’m not saying that a disproportionate number of gay men don’t like musical theater (because most stereotypes do have a basis in truth), only that the biggest showqueens I know like pussy. The stereotype is that gay men tend to be either effeminate or hypermasculine, so if you really want to be “straight-acting”, you shouldn’t be afraid to exhibit one or two feminine traits so long as you still tend towards masculinity. Honestly, why are you so afraid to go to a goddamn club or gay bar every now and then? In my experience, they’re pretty friendly places.

I’m still tired and still spending lots of time on YouTube. I’m making money from my job, but I must have made a mistake on my tax forms, because I’m paying about one-eighth of my income in taxes. I don’t think I should be paying any. So I might have to ask some people to see what I can do about this.

In conclusion, I’m in a really bad mood. Gravity was good, though.

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