It’s weird. Most days, I feel like there isn’t enough time to do all the shit I’ve been meaning to, but sometimes, it’s just the opposite. That generates a different kind of anxiety. I spend my time wandering around wondering if there’s anything else I might have time to fit in before I go to bed. It doesn’t necessarily help me sleep any better, so perhaps that’s why I find it so bothersome. I mean, there is so much to do, and prioritizing it is difficult. Why do I always feel like I’m climbing up a mountain? Once I reach the top, it’s a rough ride down the other side. If I can’t live on a plateau, can I at least get a heads up when I’m about to reach the metaphorical top so I know what to expect?

I feel that the New Series has made the Doctor into a little bit too much of a superhero. In the early days, he was an anonymous old fool. Sometimes, he wasn’t even the protagonist. (My father was in the room while I watched an old episode. Afterwards, he turned to me and asked which one was the Doctor.) These days, he’s all “I’m the Doctor, and I’m warning you…” I’m not here to rant about NuWho. There’s too much to talk about. I just don’t know where to begin. It’s not so much that I don’t know how to change shit as I’m not sure what needs to change. I wish I could be laid back. But that’s not me.

Here’s one thing that I have figured out: I don’t like traveling much, but I still want to see as much of the world as possible. Let’s say you decide to write a book with a Muslim main character. If you don’t know much about Islam, you will have to learn about it. What is the character’s ethnicity? Is he Sunni, Shiite, or what? You might even have to read the Qur’an a little bit. But you should consider doing that anyway. Anybody who considers themselves a citizen of the world should be curious about people who are different from them. And once you understand your differences, you can discover the ways in which you are similar. I think that’s why I have to get out of this cozy living situation. There’s a whole goddamn world out there, and I can’t live in a fucking bubble.

privacyI’ve lived on both coasts and in the Midwest. I’ve definitely figured out that I like the Northeast more than anywhere else. I could maybe stand to live in the Midwest, but I’m not interested in staying on the West Coast. Of course, I have a lot of friends out here (by the standards of someone who has about four friends total) and it would be nice to stay in touch with them through some means other than Skype. But I don’t fly unless I have to, and even if one of us travels a lot, we’re still unlikely to see each other more than a few times each year. It’s probably true that as you get older, your need to see your friends all the time diminishes. Even when I was in high school, I didn’t hang out at my friends’ houses very much, nor were they often over at mine. I’m fairly private by nature. So maybe I’m prepared for that already. It just seems like a shame to have one’s social life constrained by geography. Everyone I know is moving all over the country. There are people I was very close to once whom I haven’t seen in years because we’re never in the same place at the same time. That has to change…eventually.

Writing is a weird process. It’s less about making shit up as you go than about figuring out what makes sense. In a way, that’s the beauty of it. If you want to write a scene in which two people kung fu fight on top of a skyscraper that is collapsing in slow motion, go for it. Does that make any sense? You create the world and you make the rules, so if you can think it up, you can probably figure out a way to make it work in a fictional setting. And yes, it is terrifying. Since nobody’s ever done this before, you have no way of knowing whether it will work or not. Once or twice, I’ve Googled something I just came up with to make sure that nobody has ever used it before. Often, they haven’t. It just sounds familiar because it makes sense.

Off-topic, but if any of you are Game of Thrones fans, take half an hour out of your day to watch this Q&A with Jack Gleeson, a.k.a. Joffrey. He has a reputation for being nothing like his character, and based on this, that’s probably true. One interesting detail he shares is that he’s never watched the show. That’s not uncommon, you know. I have not seen every play I was ever in in its entirety. I wasn’t around for every rehearsal and was often backstage during the show doing a costume change or whatever. It’s really awkward to watch yourself act. I watched the videotape of the first play I was ever in and started squirming so hard that my father asked if I was alright.

I finally got around to watching An Adventure in Space and Time, the TV movie about Doctor Who‘s first few seasons. The First Doctor, William Hartnell, had to leave due to health complications. By the end, he was apparently a royal pain to work with. The movie paints him as a flawed-but-sympathetic figure who genuinely loved the show and its fans. He’s not my favorite Doctor, but that says as much about the show at that time as it does about William Hartnell. It went in a very different direction once Patrick Troughton took over. Beginnings are always rough. But once you know you’re onto something, you get harder and harder to deter.

I’m rambling, so let me try to wrap this up. I’m getting tired of having to blow everything up and start over once I realize something isn’t working. I would make a great employee, boyfriend, and roommate to anyone who is willing to have me. You just have to find people who are willing to change and make adjustments with you.


One thought on “Adjustments

  1. I especially like the citizen of the world observation.
    Finding the right place to live will increase your personal comfort and then you might find the right boyfriend, roommate, and friends. I hope you can make that move soon.

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